*There is a part of me as a person is I am so sensitive and fragile as strong as I may look on the outside. Change is hard for all of us. Family dynamics to me is both fascinating as I help others unravel the complexities of the reasons humans act, react, behave and respond in the way that they do. Family dynamics can be so incredibly painful.
* I think we all are on that quest to "live" in a functional family system, Some of us have families that flow like the sea and light and amazing. Others can be such choppy waters. Many times it is usually a combination of both and in life what I have learned the most is reach out to family members no matter what. Life is fragile and time is of the essence. Make that phone call first. I have the wisest aunt on planet earth who speaks such incredible advice. I am so hard headed as most of us are and in the end we do what we are going to do anyways. When she tells me something almost as my own mother, I pause and reflect and think twice very seriously about my next step.
*I have learned sometimes it is not all about zero contact it is about safe boundary setting. That is the LIFE CLASS I like to attend frequently whether that is in a group setting, reading books or having a friend (or therapist) listen to you as a sounding board. I want to hear the feedback that is hard to hear and I want to be challenged.
*Thanks for listening and I speak from my heart as the journey of the holidays for me is really a very tough ride. I am blessed with amazing family members. It is just a complicated puzzle so tricky and dicey to comprehend and yet may never be understood. You don't "fix" people or change them ever, you love them as best you can in the time frame you decide is best.
*I always say I am not a "sugarcoater" therapist and my clients say.... I wouldn't be here if I had someone agreeing with me all day. I think in our journey some of us have to overcome each day the tragedy and pain life has thrown at us. Proactively, we have a "workload" if you will each day as the memories, the scars and the pictures in our mind of our past sometimes do not go away. Yet we still have to do adult life. The skill sets at work do not translate to our personal relationships and it takes time to sharpen and update our toolbox.
*I tread lightly with people as I have learned that as sensitive as I admit that I am on the inside, so is true with most people. I like to believe that human beings are inherently good and respond best when people are gentle, loving and kind. -May the Lord Jesus Christ surround you with love, joy and peace. Victoria Portanier
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