Post - Thanksgiving Reflections

November 26, 2017
*There is a part of me as a person is I am so sensitive and fragile as strong as I may look on the outside. Change is hard for all of us. Family dynamics to me is both fascinating as I help others unravel the complexities of the reasons humans act, react, behave and respond in the way that they do. Family dynamics can be so incredibly painful.

* I think we all are on that quest to "live" in a functional family system, Some of us have families that flow like the sea and light and amazing. Others can be such choppy waters. Many times it is usually a combination of both and in life what I have learned the most is reach out to family members no matter what. Life is fragile and time is of the essence. Make that phone call first. I have the wisest aunt on planet earth who speaks such incredible advice. I am so hard headed as most of us are and in the end we do what we are going to do anyways. When she tells me something almost as my own mother, I pause and reflect and think twice very seriously about my next step.

*I have learned sometimes it is not all about zero contact it is about safe boundary setting. That is the LIFE CLASS I like to attend frequently whether that is in a group setting, reading books or having a friend (or therapist) listen to you as a sounding board. I want to hear the feedback that is hard to hear and I want to be challenged.

*Thanks for listening and I speak from my heart as the journey of the holidays for me is really a very tough ride. I am blessed with amazing family members. It is just a complicated puzzle so tricky and dicey to comprehend and yet may never be understood. You don't "fix" people or change them ever, you love them as best you can in the time frame you decide is best.

*I always say I am not a "sugarcoater" therapist and my clients say.... I wouldn't be here if I had someone agreeing with me all day. I think in our journey some of us have to overcome each day the tragedy and pain life has thrown at us. Proactively, we have a "workload" if you will each day as the memories, the scars and the pictures in our mind of our past sometimes do not go away. Yet we still have to do adult life. The skill sets at work do not translate to our personal relationships and it takes time to sharpen and update our toolbox.

*I tread lightly with people as I have learned that as sensitive as I admit that I am on the inside, so is true with most people. I like to believe that human beings are inherently good and respond best when people are gentle, loving and kind. -May the Lord Jesus Christ surround you with love, joy and peace. Victoria Portanier

#NAPAFIRE

Before the REPOST: What is interesting is as I was getting ready for work this morning my thoughts were to this exact point. Trauma needs to be addressed immediately by counseling and if it is not it can have devastating effects long- term. Chemicals in the brain change and cognitive functioning will deteriorate when someone is exposed to this level of devastation, loss and death. I am thinking of the fire fighters in particular who have been exposed for a week to such a serious tragedy. Talking it out with a mental health professional as many of us have vicariously witnessed this ourselves is so vital. If you ignore it and just act like "a tough guy/or girl"..you will be sorry. PTSD is no joke and will affect your relationships, the quality of your life, the inability to sleep and your ability to function and/or concentrate at work. Alright, here is the repost:

Some basic guidelines for anyone helping those who have been impacted by the devastating fires and hurricanes:
Nancy Haugen, PhD specializes in 'Disaster Mental Health' created some 'Cliff's Notes' to keep in mind so that we can all be empowered to support mental health for those in pain.
Disaster Mental Health
1. Whereas in the Emergency Room there is the Golden Hour (time to get to the ER when there has been a trauma), in Disaster Mental Health there is the Golden Month. There are 30 days from the point of the disaster, to make a major difference. Any intervention, support, kindness that can happen during those 30 days will change the long-term outcome. It is significant.
2. Given how the brain shuts down in a disaster, victims are not able to process words very well. They WILL track on tone of your voice and your body posture.
3. Don’t problem solve, most important task is to just LISTEN.
4. Sharing where resources are is important – if possible, give a written form of the list so that they can refer to it later. They won’t remember much if you just tell them.
5. Asking open ended questions (How can I help?) are not helpful because it asks too much of the victim’s brain to figure that out. Present two choices with yes or no answer (May I drop off food Friday or Saturday?)
6. After the fires are contained, and the media leaves (referred to as the Honeymoon period – “we’re going to make it! We’re going to stick together!), most victims experience depression. The research indicates that the depression will last for a while, so keep in mind that ongoing supportive gestures, any intervention, support, kindness, is still needed. After the depression period lifts (can be as long as a couple years), people most often report that they feel that they have a new life.
PLEASE CUT/PASTE & REPOST! We thank you for your community support in our efforts to spread the IMPORTANCE OF MENTAL HEALTH