The Metamorphosis of a Teenager
She arrived with long sleeves from head to toe, black that is. Her eyes were faced downward and she brought a friend. Internally she was scared but on the outside she would be that bully in school everyone stays away from because that is her comfort zone.
When greeted by me she
and her friend look at each other in mocking fashion. This writer says to
herself after 19 years with broken kids this is a front and experience is my
prize.
The first couple of sessions
were tough and were slow as molasses. One word answers, bored as ever and the
counselor that cuts no corners directly asks do you want to be here and she
states quickly "no". At times in the room it is more about the presence
of one another than any words spoken. This is 14 in all of her pride, glory,
fear of the future yet good at hiding behind herself.
Mentorship presents as opposed
to talk therapy far more effective with teens. By session three I asked her, "where
is your friend?" She answers that she is at home with her IPAD. I
asked her let me guess, she is in her room? She said of course that she
is.
By session four the topic is
"the bedroom" which is a major topic for adolescents. Her room is her
quiet place, her safety and it is in that room that the metamorphosis happens.
She moves from puberty through adolescence growing into her body and
understanding her hormones.
It isn't in the room that is my
interest but what is on her mind which leads me to what captivates her soul and
what inspires her or what does not.
I learn that the shades are
pulled, the lights are off and her nights and days are switched. All the same
her room is spotless and organized as she sharply remarks that this is what she
has in her life that is in her control.
I continue to learn that
darkness is her friend because it shields her from the light of day. I ask her
quietly does that represent your emotions that are very hard to endure? She
puts her head down slightly then lifts up her eyes and whispers "yes".
That was the end of our session
but the next session begun as a complete juxtaposition. She is dressed
completely different than session one. She has on summer shorts and a t-shirt
and walks into the office with a steady stride. She wears a smile from ear to
ear and waits patiently for our "mentorship" time to begin. She is
happy to be here and realizes that what is ahead is what she so desperately
craves inside.
Someone to listen with interest
and finally a place she feels safe. She has truly begun the process of metamorphosis from a caterpillar to a butterfly in four sessions only.
I ask her if she would be
willing to take the next step? She asked what is that? I said can you go to the
half-off bookstore and buy a five dollar journal? She says no almost
immediately and put her head down. It is only the fourth session and I
understand her reticence. In time the no will become yes but you have to stay
patient and sense the pace she prefers and listen closely to the reasons for
resistance.
She says goodbye and I ask her
if I brought a journal for her would that be okay? She said yes but quickly ran
out without saying goodbye.
I will always remember the butterfly girl. She is one of so many over the years but once again I am captivated by the gift called counseling that is incredibly important. To raise a child in the difficult years of age 14 and 15 can be a journey described as hell. Yet behind closed doors in all of that rebellion presents her best traits as her counselor is not her parent. The teen is just doing her job at 14 which is to transition slowly from dependence to independence. Many kids in front of me are having a much more difficult time and this is usually in families where lives are busy and parents need support. Both parents are working and daily survival is the priority. Good for those parents who reach out for help. They have found the right person who understands completely.
It was one time very long ago that the counselor herself had mentors in her life. It became so integral to the development of who she is today. Pain, hardship and struggle are the ingredients to a successful listener and one who can look into the child's eyes and sees herself.
Victoria Portanier, MFT
